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Top 7 Types of Kids at Restaurants

1) OMG Text Girl

Who are these kids texting, Obama? Cell phones are the worst things to happen to kids since child labor laws and Justin Bieber.

2) Anytime at California Pizza Kitchen

It always starts off the same, you book a nice romantic dinner for two and order. Sound good? Wrong! California Pizza Kitchen time bitch!!! Expect 500 kids to stampede in out of nowhere.

3) Mr. Class

In the 90s parents dressed up their kids with classy suits and bowties. In the 2000s they have fauxhawks, eyeliner, and their sisters jeans. Neither generation scored.

4) Master of Comedy

The master of comedy does not realize food is not for playing with, because kids these days are total dumbasses. 6000 kids googled instructions for ‘How to eat’ while you read this article.

5) Troll Baby

Troll baby is so alpha he can openly ruin your dinner from birth. WAHHHHHHHHHH!!! WAHHHHAAHAH! U Mad?

6 ) Like Father, Like Son

Nothing worse than a parent who joins in and tries to be a kid again. Kid at heart…. I’ll be over there calling security.

7) Hungry Boy is Hungry

These days a serving size means an entire table.


-Written by Nir Regev

New York Times: Fat Is In

Prada sunglasses, girl jeans, fat. Millions of fatties rejoiced yesterday when Guy Trebay of the New York Times announced the latest new fad. The sumo look. Guy has done much research regarding the matter, and maintains ‘hipsters’ are purposely gaining weight because President Obama is in shape.

“If we had a slob in the White House, all the hipsters would turn into some walking Chippendales calendar,”

That’s right stick it to the man! Sure rebelling in the 60s was about music and sex. But we’ve evolved past that, now its about Twinkies, texting, and finding ways to not get laid. It’s kind of like Woodstock, if Woodstock totally sucked.

“I sort of think the six-pack abs obsession got so prissy it stopped being masculine”- Aaron Hicklin.

The key to masculinity:

You may notice the lack of females, food supply was short.

Fat Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/13/fashion/13POTBELLY.html