It’s time for an important discussion. Live Streaming Concerts. Personally, I think from an Artist perspective I’d be more than irritated but say nothing in an effort to not damage fan PR.
In today’s modern world CD stores are all but gone, albums don’t sell anywhere close to what they used to, and pretty much every major band still around has to endlessly tour to survive.
Sure, no one’s going broke necessarily but look at the bigger picture. Live streaming concerts subtly takes away the last guaranteed source of income bands still have. Sure the ‘hardcore’ fans will likely go no matter what but what about those content to just stay home and keep Periscope or Facebook on in the background instead? As streaming becomes higher and higher quality, it means more than a few seats might be vacant when a fan would have been there before.
Live Streaming Concerts: No Going Back
Yes, technology is ever evolving and Luddite style solutions are impractical. You can’t put the cork back in the wine bottle. Live streaming is mobile, readily available and not going anywhere.
As time passes though more and more Art is becoming available for free, monetarily devaluing the artist who created it. Is this the kind of future environment we want for future musicians? Where they have to tirelessly perform for ‘exposure’ for eternity rather than be paid? Lifetime ‘Musician Interns’ if you will.
Sure, live streaming is still relatively in its infancy. A wild west online frontier of sorts. It’s something to think about with the bands we love. Especially if we want them to keep being able to perform in the epic venues they deserve. To us it’s just a show, to them it’s their livelihood being streamed live free of charge.
Manly Role Model: Snake Plissken Famous For: Escape from New York, Escape from L.A.
Snake’s Resume
Gents, take a peek into the life of a bloke who didn’t squander their time checking Facebook notifications. World War III renegade Snake Plissken, the youngest man to be decorated by a U.S. President. Two purple hearts in Leningrad and Siberia. It might seem like a crazy notion now, but in the 80s and 90s people used to go outside. And not just to check their smartphones at the mall. Yes, a couple of best bros might actually venture out to the scary alien landscape of Full Definition. Action was taken. Thanks to the internet, today a man is only as hardworking as the timing of their last wank. In other words, everybody’s asleep. Men have been in hibernation for the last decade.
Our film protagonists reflect this drowsy reality. With the lone exception of 24’s Jack Bauer. Gone are the days of a clear good and evil. Actions first, questions later? Quietly retired. In it’s place, a never-ending loop of second guessing that would make a Kardashian blush. Groupthink via status update. Snake Plissken saved the U.S. President in the amount of time most guys analyze if they texted the town bicycle back too quickly.
Let’s go vintage and rewind the tapes. Blockbuster style. Just kidding, we’re actually gonna do it. Let’s reminiscence about the fictional world of one of the last true manly role models. Call me Snake.
Snake in Diplomatic Negotiations
Pictured Above: Snake politely engages the enemy in diplomatic discourse. Vintage sanctions my friends! This is what red lines looked like in the 80s.
Snake Discusses Small Government
What we all secretly wanna say when one of those hassling interns blocks your path on the sidewalk with their clipboard. Can’t you see I’m going to the gym fucker?
A Manly Answer
A manly answer not only sounds good, it feels good. Simply think: ‘What would Snake do?’ In any and all situations.
Meet your replacement: Courtesy of Momentum Machines
Did you really think a career in the lucrative field of fast food would always be available to you? Well you were wrong my friends! The robots are coming, and they’re about to take your jobs. For years, the culinary acts of White Castle were looked at as a safe backup somewhere between entry to Columbia University and Lincoln Tech.
Times have changed! No longer can you expect to walk out with your Gibbs College Degree and expect to just serve whoppers for $7 dollars an hour. Those good times are in the past. There are now machines willing to do it for less. In fact, they’re even less self aware than Gibbs students because they’ll do it for free. We’re not even talking about a temporary internship. This time my friends, the robots will intern for an indefinite period. Forever. Burger robot employees are just more hard working. They’re simply looking to support their families. The families of McDonalds Corp, Burger King, and Five Guys of course.
Who’s Doing This:
Momentum Machines, a company based out of California. They are looking to automate the burger process and have created the Alpha . Their machines are capable of of flipping over 360 burgers an hour. These burger robot employees are efficient, fast, and putting you out of work. Yes, for the first time outsourcing and elite high school recruiting are no longer necessary.
What You Should Do About It:
There are a few options. Go full blown Luddite and protest. Don’t buy from chains hiring burger robots. Apply to work for Momentum Machines.
How Tasty Will a Robot Burger be:
No worse than White Castle. Actually, maybe Momentum Machines might be on to something here. The robot future is bright my friends! RoboBurger is coming.
You see that woman up there? Her name is Diana Nyad, and she just swam 110 miles from Cuba all the way to the shores of Key West Florida. She accomplished the feat in a stunning 53 hours without breaks. Diana Nyad, is a winner. She didn’t quit when the going got tough. Not even close.
This mythical-like swim was her fifth attempt. First time she tried it, you ask? 28 years old, and here she is now at 64 years young, accomplishing human wonders. That is what excellence is. Why it’s never too late. Not at 28, 38, or 68. She is a testament to determination, to persistence, and dedication.
Most people would have given up after attempt number one, forget four previous attempts. One of which consisted of getting stung multiple times in the face by sting-rays. But Diana didn’t care, she didn’t listen to the nay-sayers. To the constant stream of negativity flowing out of people’s mouths on a daily basis. When they told her she can’t, she did.
All pioneers are considered ‘crazy’ at first.
Otherwise, you would never hear about them in the first place. They’d be sitting back giving themselves reasons not to do something. It’s too dangerous, or it’s not practical, or logical. It’s always easier to check your Facebook notifications than take risks and actually do something. Anything. But she wanted more. She had a dream. And nobody, not you, me, the doctors, family or anybody else was gonna tell her different.
Be like Diana Nyad. That doesn’t mean go swimming from Cuba to Florida tomorrow. It means: Do something, Anything. Today.
*Pictured Above: The newest in hipster invention and originality – The PBR Lamp.
**Not Pictured Above: Political Science degree, Occupy Wall St. badge, and ‘temporary’ unemployment. Because sometimes in life you’re just in-between things. Forever.
According to new research conducted by the fine folks over at Restaurant Sciences, prices of cheap beer are spiraling out of control. The reason? Pabst Blue Ribbon beer!
They are the reason why “sub-premium” beer prices in the city have climbed 9.4% in the last seven months, say Restaurant Sciences, which tracks food and beverage sales nationwide.
Yes, my friends, it’s finally happened! In the ultimate hipster irony, PBR has actually become too popular and mainstream! Other beer companies are now actively seeking to price themselves out of your wallet. America’s former favorites are taking their business elsewhere. To a new target market, one that actually has ten dollars in cash, not just on their parents debit card. No longer can a fresh college grad, simply put down his McDonald’s name tag and picket sign out on the street and grab a cold one.. Or even a warm one! Sorry Corona fans.
The Walmart Effect: Drink PBR, Live PBR
Dat poverty life is no doubt correlated to drinking can after can of PBR! 100% Foolproof my friends! Imagine, there you are a young lad suckered into drinking beer out of a can by your bearded ‘friends’. Before you know it, you yourself are donning a trucker hat, haven’t shaved in weeks, and getting mistaken for a hobo on a daily basis.
Young and impressionable you were, and just like that PBR becomes the only thing you can afford. You’ve been priced out of the market, suddenly you can only work jobs that can pay for your PBR. Since bars that sell PBR aren’t going for the high-end clientele, you meet a similar PBR wife at your new job as a PBR barback. She’s a little pudgy and her boobs are sagging all over the place, but in your PBR haze you don’t know any better. And then the time comes.. Your wife gives birth to a future hipster. Fulfilling the cycle of life. The hipster life. The horror. The unspeakable horror!
The Bearded Facts
According to an interview by leading scholarly paper the New York Daily News, the reason for PBR’s popularity is due to mainly one sole reason! Let’s take a look at what the Daily News’ finest uncovered. The infamous bearded facts with legendary local bartender Sam Rio:
PBR sells for $2 a can at the popular Welcome to the Johnson’s bar on the Lower East Side.
Sam Rio, bartender at Pete’s Candy Store in Williamsburg, said that’s the only reason to drink PBR.
“Personally, I think it tastes like s—,” said Rio, who sells it for $3 a can.”
There you have it! It may taste like PBR, but the cost is slightly less or equal to most consumers working wages.
Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer. The reason you can’t afford shit.
PBR’s surging popularity has lead to complete economic disaster for students who once fathomed dreams! Dreams like affording a bottle of Stella Artois. Gone are the days when a young lad could just hop out with a 4 year degree and expect to purchases the luxuries in life!
“I believe the single biggest driver in sub-premium beer price increases is indeed specifically PBR,” said Chuck Ellis, who heads the research company. “It has become quite fashionable.”
Ellis reached that conclusion after his researchers tracked beer prices at 500 bars and restaurants across the city.
Researchers reason that since PBR has “become quite fashionable,” restaurants and bars feel justified charging more for it and other standard non-craft brews.
Best forget that Heineken and start saving up for a Corona… And even that is not safe. Or guaranteed. It’s time for a call to action! It’s time to Occupy Williamsburg!! We’ve suffered for way too long, my friends! Viva La Revolution!
Cat Ponders Murder of Owner. Euthanasia at work folks.
*Above cat was more masculine than a whole generation of hipsters. No beard needed.
